Itachi, lets make a baby
by SakuraBlizzard
Summary: Sasuke wants to know where babies come from. He asks his older brother for the answer. How will this all work out? Oneshot. NOT YAOI. Humor. Its just something that popped in my head.


**I had this idea in my head, and I reallyy didnt want to lose it, so I went ahead and wrote this story!**

**I don't own Naruto or its characters, just this plot (: Review and you get a cookie :)**

It was a fine day outside. The skies were clear with beautiful clouds floating innocently in the sky. The birds were chirping and all the neighborhood kids were outside playing kickball. All the Uchiha clan children were out having a wonderful time...

Except for a certain one.

Sasuke Uchiha sat inside coloring a picture of a frog in his coloring book. He blended the green crayons perfectly to make the perfect color for the frogs skin. As Sasuke was busy with his coloring, Itachi Uchiha was busy himself. He was working ahead in his school work so that he would know the material before the rest of this kids in his class. Itachi always liked to be the first to learn new Jutsus. He sat directly across the table from Sasuke.

Sasuke had just finished coloring the frogs leg, when all of a sudden he looked up to see his older brother at work. Itachi knew he was looking at him, but he simply ignored him. Sasuke looked up to Itachi, but most of the time Itachi tried to go without conversation with his younger sibling.

"Itachi?" Sasuke asked as he stored away the crayons he had used for his picture just a few minutes ago. Itachi ignored him as he began writing down the procedure for a clone jutsu on his paper. "Itachi?" Sasuke repeated as if Itachi had not heard him.

No choice. "What is it, Sasuke?" Itachi asked as he looked up from his work to see Sasukes big eyes staring into his.

"Itachi, can I ask you a question?" Sasuke asked, cocking his head to the side like a puppy. Itachi was now a tad alert. Sasuke had rarely asked Itachi questions, usually he always asked their mother.

"Is it about your emotions in anyway, shape, or form?" Itachi asked, not wanting to fall into a trap. Itachi was _not _the one to ask about emotional issues.

"I don't think so." Sasuke answered shaking his head slowly.

"You don't _think _so?" Itachi repeated. "How do you not know?"

"Well," Sasuke began. "I don't know if it has to do with emotions, thats why I don't think so."

Itachi sighed. "Go ahead. What's your question?"

"Where do babies come from?" Sasuke asked simply and calmly.

Itachi's eyes grew wide as he heard the question. He coughed into his elbow and turned away from Sasuke for a moment. Sasuke sat innocently, waiting for the answer to his question. Itachi took a deep breath before looking at Sasuke again. "Where did that come from?" he asked.

"I heard a kid at school say that he's getting a baby sister. So...I was just wondering where they came from."

"Why don't you go ask mother?" Itachi asked. He almost wanted to get down on his knees and _beg _for him to go ask their mother...but that wasn't the way of Itachi Uchiha.

"I already did." Sasuke answered, surprising Itachi.

"And?"

"And she said I was too young." Sasuke crossed his arms and pouted. Itachi agreed, for once in his life, what his mother told Sasuke.

"She's right." Itachi agreed. "Your too young for that, so it doesn't concern you."

"Itachi?"

"What?"

"Why am I too young?" Sasuke asked.

"Because your maturity level is not high enough to understand that concept." Itachi explained as he looked back down to his paper. He began finishing the clone jutsu procedure when Sasuke got his attention again.

"Itachi?"

"What, Sasuke?" Itachi asked looking back at Sasuke.

"What is my maturity level?" Sasuke asked with an eager grin on his face. Itachi sighed.

"Zero." he answered shortly and simply. "And that might be an overstatement..." Itachi mumbled to himself.

"Itachi? How do I get maturity?" Sasuke asked kicking his legs under the table. His chair was too high for his feet to touch the floor.

"You can't get it. It comes with age," Itachi explained. "And your too young to be mature."

"So that means I have six maturity?" Sasuke asked happily referring to how old he was. Itachi sighed, yet again.

"No. You have zero, Sasuke. Zero, no more than that."

"But you said it comes with age."

"Yes, I did."

"So that means im six maturity because im six years old."

"No, Sasuke, you are misunderstanding what im saying." Itachi crossed his arms. He was never going to get done with his homework assignments at this rate.

"But it makes no sense!" Sasuke exclaimed. "Please explain it to me, big brother!"

"Itachi?" a familiar, motherly tone came from the kitchen. It was their mother who was in the kitchen cooking dinner for the family.

"What, mother?" Itachi called back.

Mikoto stuck her head out in the doorway, giving Itachi a mean look. "You mean, _yes mother._" Mikoto corrected. Mikoto was big on the whole "respect" policy. She was where Itachi learned most of his manners. Their dad was always so busy with Uchiha business, he didn't really care how they spoke or used manners.

Itachi sighed. "_Yes_ mother?"

"Will you come set the table for dinner, please? Your father will be home in less than an hour and I want this dinner ready when he gets home." she gave him a look that said: come set this table or your grounded for a month. Itachi stood up from the table, in a way, he was grateful that she was taking him from his and Sasukes conversation.

"Itachi?" Sasuke said before Itachi had entered the kitchen. "I still wanna know my anwer! Tell me when you come back, okay?"

Ignoring Sasuke's comment, he entered the kitchen to set the table. As Itachi grabbed some chopsticks out of the drawer, he looked at his mother who was stirring the pot that contained their dinner.

"Mother," Itachi began. "I am sure...no, I am absolutely positive that a parent is the one who is supposed to explain reproduction to their younger child. Not their oldest child." Itachi raised a brow.

Mikoto turned to Itachi, obviously holding back laughter. "He asked you, huh?"

"Yes." Itachi sighed. "I refuse to give him 'the talk'."

"Oh, honey, just tell him they come from the stork." Mikoto said letting a giggle out. "It should get him off your case for a while."

"He won't believe that." Itachi said placing napkins down.

"Why do you say that?"

"Because _I _didn't believe it. Mother, no kid really believes a giant bird delivers babies. Its just common sense." Itachi said reaching in the cabinets to bring out bowls.

"I don't agree with that," Mikoto said turning to Itachi. "Just the other day when I went to the market, I saw a little blond headed kid with whiskers on his face running around the village, telling everyone that a stork had made him."

"Are you talking about Naruto, mom?" Itachi asked looking at her his an eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, that kid!" Mikoto nodded.

"Mom, that kid is not normal."

"We're all a little weird, dear." Mikoto said adding salt to the pot. "Just tell Sasuke, hes only six years old. I'm sure he'll believe it."

"And if he doesn't?"

Mikoto turned to Itachi and laughed. "Good luck." Itachi growled and gave her his famous evil eye as he finished setting the table. After he had finished, he walked back into the living room that Sasuke was still in.

"You have my answer?" Sasuke blurted out as soon as Itachi was in view. Itachi sighed. _Here we go._ He thought.

"Yes, Sasuke. Babies come from storks." Itachi said as he sat down at the table, in front of his homework.

"Storks?" Sasuke asked, his tiny eyebrow raised.

"Yes, storks. Giant birds that bring babies to parents who want them. Kinda like a catalog. They pick what gender they want, what race and the stork brings them." Itachi smirked.

Sasuke was silent for a moment as he was pondering the idea in his head. Itachi looked down to complete his almost finished homework when Sasuke spit his tongue out and made a fart noise. Itachi looked up. "Thats not true, you liar! Everyone knows storks live in the south pole with Santa Clause!"

"Sasuke, Santa Clause lives in the north pole." Itachi corrected. How could a six year old not know where Santa Clause lived?

"No he doesn't." Sasuke shook his head. "But thats not the point, Itachi. You lied!"

"No I didn't. Storks bring babies for christmas." Itachi lied. As much as he wanted to deny it, he was actually having fun with this.

"Nuh-huh!" Sasuke objected. "If they bring babies for christmas, then why was I born in the summer?"

"Do you remember that robot you got a couple christmas's ago, you wanted so badly to play with it, but we didnt have batteries? Then father got some batteries that summer and you finally got to play with it?" Itachi asked. Why had it taken their father until summer time to get batteries? No one knows.

"Yeah, and it broke." Sasuke pouted.

"Well, thats kinda like you. We didn't have batteries for you until summer, so thats why you were born in summer. But you were really here at christmas. So we just stored you in the attic until we got batteries." Itachi smiled. If it worked like that, Itachi would have made sure they never got batteries...

Sasuke slammed his tiny hands on the table. "Your lying! Mommy says I was a gift!"

"Yeah, a gift for christmas. Didn't you get the meaning in her words?" Itachi asked, almost wanting to laugh.

"Quit lying to me! MOMMY!" Sasuke screamed at the top of his lungs. "MOMMY! ITACHI IS"- Sasuke began to scream, when Itachi leaped out of his chair and flung himself across the table. He put his hand over Sasuke's mouth to shut him up. Itachi hated a vicious mother who messed with her youngest baby...

"Okay, okay, Sasuke, I was kidding." Itachi confessed. "Just hush, don't tell mom and I will tell you where babies really come from." he whispered. He rolled his eyes at the thought of giving a six year old 'the talk'...

Sasuke grabbed Itachi's hand and pulled it away from his mouth. "Get off me, big brother!" Sasuke yelled. Itachi hesitated, but removed his hand and jumped off the table. He stood next to Sasuke as Sasuke turned to face him. "Now tell me, or im gonna tell mommy that you lied to me and hit me."

"I did not hit you!"

"MOM"-

"Okay, okay." Itachi said covering his mouth again. "I'll tell you, just shut up!" he said removing his hand when Sasuke had closed his mouth. Itachi hated when Sasuke did this. Sasuke always threatened to tell their mother when Itachi was being mean to Sasuke, and if he did tell their mom, she always grounded him and screamed at him. She was very protective over her youngest...

"Go on." Sasuke said crossing his arms. He knew he was in control now. Itachi sighed.

"When a mother and father love each other..."-

"Stop." Sasuke said holding up his tiny hand. Itachi was confused.

"What? Im explaining." Itachi crossed his own arms.

"I already know what your gonna say." Sasuke said happily. "I figured it out on my own how babies are made."

"Figured it out?" Itachi asked confused. How could he possibly figure something out that quickly?

"Yeah! You were gonna say: when a mommy and daddy love each other, they go inside their room and close their door for privacy," Sasuke began to explain. Itachis eyes grew wide. How in the world did he know all this? "Then they sit on their bed, and look at each other. They tell each other they love each other and that they want a baby. Then"-

"Um, Sasuke." Itachi interrupted.

"What?" Sasuke asked annoyed. "Im telling you what I figured out!"

"Did you really figure this out or did someone tell you?" Itachi asked. There was no way a six year old could "figure out" what sex was...

"I figured it out, I told you!" Sasuke exclaimed. "Anyways, no interruptions! They say they want a baby and then they get comfortable. Thats when, the mommy takes out a bunch of papers and the daddy gets out a pen."

"What?" Itachi asked confused.

"Sh!" Sasuke yelled holding a finger to his own lips. "Your being very rude, Itachi."

"Sorry." Itachi rolled his eyes. "Continue."

"So, they take out pens and papers. They decide they want a baby and then they write the name of the baby on a paper. Then mommy eats the paper, and the paper goes to her tummy"-Sasuke raised up his shirt and poked his stomach-"and the paper turns into a baby!" he exclaimed. "Thats how babies are made!"

Itachi just stared at Sasuke. He didn't know quite what to say, that was the most bizzare way of thinking that Itachi had ever heard. But after a moment, Itachi couldn't hold it in anymore. He busted out with a laugh that confused the small Uchiha sitting right in front of him. Sasuke put his shirt down and looked at him angry. "Why are you laughing!" Sasuke shouted.

"Oh, Sasuke..." Itachi muttered, getting his laughter under control.

"What? Isn't that the way their made?" Sasuke asked, his face turning from angry to saddened. "I thought I figured it out..."

Itachi finally was able to make himself stop laughing. "Sasuke, your one smart cookie." Itachi commented. Sasuke looked up, surprised.

"Huh?" he asked.

"Thats _exactly _how babies are made." Itachi exclaimed. "Good job, it seems your mature enough for it after all."

Sasukes expression turned happy in an instant. "Really? Yay! Im smart!"

"Yes you are." Itachi nodded. _Phew...it turns out I don't have to give the talk after all..._Itachi was relived.

"Itachi, Sasuke," Mikoto called from the kitchen. "Dinner is ready."

"Coming," Itachi called out. He began to walk towards the kitchen, and turned around to see if Sasuke was following him. Oddly, Sasuke was still sitting in his chair. A crayon was in his hand and he was writing something down on a piece of paper. It looked like a spare piece of paper that Itachi was going to use for his homework later. "Sasuke? What are you doing, dinner is ready."

"Itachi..." Sasuke whispered. "Come here."

Itachi, confused, walked over to his younger brother. "Do you need help from the chair?"

"No. Look..." he said folding up the piece of paper and scooting it towards Itachi. Itachi picked up the piece of paper and unfolded it. Inside read the word: _Itachi and Sasuke Jr._

Itachi looked at it confused. "Whats this?"

"Itachi, we should make a baby." Sasuke whispered. "But your gonna be the mommy because im too little to hold twins. We'll make one after dinner." he said as he jumped down from his chair and skipped to the kitchen.

**Good? Bad? it was stuck in my head and I had to write it. Lol. It's a goofy thing, nothing special really haha. Review? Maybe? :)**


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